For the good of fight club, I present "A Guide to Gracefully loosing an internet argument".

Link

For when you are stuck in an argument in fight club and become trapped in a corner with no where else to turn.

Main points;

1. Point out that everyone else posting is a giant nerd because they are posting on the internet.

It's time to remind them what giant nerds they are, and also that you are not a giant nerd. You are an internet superstar, one of the few and proud, and you have simply briefly stooped to their level in order to lead them up towards yours. Kind of like a saint, or one of those Buddhist people who teach white guys kung fu.

Examples:

Bad: God, look at how nerdy we're all being. Including me. I'm nerdy too.

Good: Nice post about video games there, nerd. I copied your post and pasted it in Word and then I ran word count and found out you had 300 words in your post. Three hundred whole words about video games. Ha ha. Great job there nerd. Is it hard to play video games through your thick glasses that are constantly being broken by jocks? I know how that is&for the jock. Because you're a nerd and I'm an awesome jock.

2. Post lots and lots of words about something trivial.

This shows that you have passion. Passion is a manly trait, and men are basically cool. I'm talking about a man's man here. A man willing to break it down and get emotional about Shadow of the Colossus. You know who you are. Give me a pound of your fist on your monitor. If you break it, it's ok. That just means you don't know your own strength because there is too much testosterone pumping passionately through your bloodstream.

Examples:
Since it's all about length, a bad example would be anything short and a truly good example would pump this article's length up by about 1000-3000 words.

3. Tell everyone you are arguing with how little you care about the argument.

This is especially effective as a one-two punch with posting a lot of words. You have proved you are passionate, but men aren't just passionate. They also are stoic, and when there is danger they narrow their eyes and smoke cigarettes. The problem with this aspect of manliness is that narrowing your eyes and smoking cigarettes is very difficult to portray over the internet, although there are probably some emoticons that can help out.

Examples:
Bad: I am literally crying right now. There are tears all over my keyboard because I am crying all over it. My keyboard is going to break because I can't stop weeping all over myself and it.

Good: Haha ok, I didn't know you'd react so strongly. It's just the internet. Who cares? I don't. Do you care? You probably do. You're a woman, I am a man. I don't care about things.

4. You were only playing devil's advocate/trying to piss people off/controlling their emotions like the puppet master you are.

You may have lost the war, but great news! You didn't want to win anyway. In fact, you lost intentionally, so by winning they are actually doing exactly what you wanted them to do. They're like tiny ants that you can crush, except they are about the same size as you (maybe on average a little bigger).

Examples:

Bad: I meant every word of this thread. I was trying to get you guys to like me. The only puppet here is me

Good: Wow you guys seem pretty angry at me. I bet you're all fuming and drooling over your keyboards because you have a glandular problem that causes uncontrollable spittle production. This is just where I want you, by the way. I entered gimmick mode the moment I saw all you nerds and I just couldn't help but toy with you a little bit. Ok, enjoy your EVE Online thread boys now that I've caused you all run around with it like you were posting as bulls and I was posting as a piece of red cloth. Why don't you pelibeans malt over that idea for a while.

5. When finally leaving the argument, make sure to inform them you will be partaking in some sort of basic social function.

The goal here is to not just disappear from the internet for awhile, but make them envious that they aren't disappearing like you are. Try something like: "Listen, if you want to sit around being wrong about the season finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender on a fine Saturday night, you can, but I am going to a bar with people I recently met at work" or "Hey, if you think that's the best strategy for the last level of Battletoads, be my guest, but maybe you can tell me the best strategy for driving to a woman's house to attend a party she is throwing for 50 of her closest friends because that's what I'm doing right after I post this sentence."

What this does quite effectively is establish yourself as someone capable of maintaining real life social contact on some sort of level, which makes you way cooler than all these other freaks who have been arguing anime with you for most of the afternoon. Your case is made even stronger if you can somehow work in some mention of sexual contact or the presence of alcohol, and is significantly weakened if the real life activity is possibly nerdier than arguing with people online.

Examples:

Bad: I am going to an Elfpunk LARPing group that I found on Craigslist. Ha ha. I bet you losers wish you had a big velvet cape like the one I am wearing right now (I am wearing a giant green cape while I'm typing this. Picture that, losers).

Good: I'll be up in the club getting wasted on Bacardi Breezers with some hot bitches and they gonna be all up on me, brb.

lolololololololololo troll

Maybe you should just stop taking everything so seriously.
It's the mother fucking internet.

/thread.

i is

ROFL LOOK THE SNAKE IS TALKING AND LIVING ON A TREE THATS IN THE CLOSET!!

hahha... it's a good read.

elkayem wrote:

Maybe you should just stop taking everything so seriously.
It's the mother fucking internet.

/thread.

How is this thread at all serious?

minix3 wrote:

elkayem wrote:

Maybe you should just stop taking everything so seriously.
It's the mother fucking internet.

/thread.

How is this thread at all serious?

I have realized I posted in the wrong thread....

I meant to post in the delete this sex-sion thingy.

^No probs. =]

FAP FAP FAP FAP

penis cock shitz.

What the shit you two? lol

bwhahaha intarnets.

bob saget!

this thread fails without pics



....wait, what?

Welcome to the internets, full of nerds? OLAWLD.

-kT wrote:

this thread fails without pics



....wait, what?

u want pics???????
go 4chan :p

CLEM FAP

ac101 wrote:

-kT wrote:

this thread fails without pics



....wait, what?

u want pics???????
go 4chan :p

4chan fails almost as much as a lot of these threads do




....wait, what?

Welcome to the internet.

intarwebz*