| Marriage. | |
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+6spoon.ek9 JYC tofu ae101_panda 5.201314% minix3 10 posters |
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minix3 Just On Coz I'm Bored
Posts : 216 Join date : 2008-08-08 Age : 34
| Subject: Marriage. Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:58 pm | |
| I have been thinking a little since a conversation I had with two friends. Basically the jist of the convo was; friends: I could never date a guy who doesn't want to get married. me; My BF doesn't? I have thought about this before and blogged this:
Can you date a guy with different goals than you in terms of relationships? For example, one person in a relationship wants to have kids while the other doesn't. It isn't a "I want to have kids right now" kinda thing, but it is something that he/she eventually wants to accomplish in life while their partner has their mind set on never having kids. Should you disregard the difference in future ideologies and concentrate on the relationship you have now, or would it be wiser to let it go early and find someone who shares your goals? Marriage. Something I am scared to death of, but yet a fear I want to overcome with the right person. It's a day almost any girl dreams of. I want to eventually find someone I care enough about to call "lo gong". I want to plan my somewhat perfect wedding after a surprise proposal. But what do you do when you think you've found someone who you think that believe will become that special someone and yet they freak out at the fact they THOUGHT you called them "lo gong"? Should I be forgetting it and just focussing on the fantastic relationship we have now? Or will that just eventually end in heartache when it becomes too much? Of course I am still young and not in any hurry to get married. But can someone with different relationship views to you really be considered "the one"? I remember I had a friend who broke up with her BF because even though she liked him, she couldn't see him as a husband and she didn't want to "waste time". I am very grateful for what I have now. I treasure every day that I have with my special someone, but at the same time I can't get these pessimistic thoughts out of my head. Maybe missing him too much is really just getting to me, but in all honesty it is something that has crossed my mind before. At the same time, I don't want to get married with someone who is motivated by satisfying me rather than because they want to. I remember asking him "have you ever had someone that you felt like you were going to marry?" and he responded with something along the lines of "our relationship was messed up, but yeah I would have married her". I understand that after a messy relationship, your views change. And I'm sure paranoia and insecurity plays a key role in this. But should I just be ignoring this for now? | |
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5.201314% I just can't stop Posting!
Posts : 1219 Join date : 2008-07-05 Age : 37 Location : Burnaby
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:40 pm | |
| You have a blog? link,or PM if it's private Here's my take on things, even though you don't have a similar aspect, I always have the reserve that if you're in a relationship that you should be able to compromise your views ENOUGH for the other person in that relationship. It's like a classic give and take thing. The thing is, it depends or varies depending on the relationship, I don't know much about Alan or yourself, or how you're relationship is, however I can cleanly see how it would work out, regardless of that fact. I can also see that you are further beyond the point of where marriage because a super important fact in your life, however I do consider this quite important, it's not something I would break up over. As much as you can't get the thought out of your head, I'm sure that's just the instinctual part that is telling you, you want this as the most special day of your life, that's why you're having somewhat of cold feet. However, I would not recommend it, being probably the only person on these boards who has been engaged at some point, it's not something for people in a relationship until they are ABSOLUTELY ready for it. To be honest, that is somewhat of a rant, because I don't really see any sort of flow in your thinking, however, my opinion is to take it all with a grain of salt, and then just kind of go with the flow. It seems to have worked for me in the past, and hey, like i said, I was almost married at one point. I would have been, had it not been for my ex-fiancee's stupid greedy wishes. Maybe you could clarify your questions and then I could answer them in some sort of a timely manner | |
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ae101_panda Just On Coz I'm Bored
Posts : 189 Join date : 2008-07-08
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:37 pm | |
| well here it goes: i don't believe in marriage, reason, there is no point, it's the 21 century & u can do every the hell u want since a lot of ppl think in some point of time u have 2 get married. well u don't cuz i think marriage is pointless in some way, cuz u can have kids without being married, right & 4 guys buying her a fancy ring & spent money on a big wedding proves nothing if the 2 of u are going 2 end up seeing a lawyer 4 divorce. so i say if u 2 ppl love each other that much u don't need 2 care about marriage (or at less not worry about it) so that's my thought of marriage cuz when u break up u don't need a lawyer or go 2 court, all u need is just pay the person & walk out smoothly & enjoy ur freedom | |
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minix3 Just On Coz I'm Bored
Posts : 216 Join date : 2008-08-08 Age : 34
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:03 pm | |
| - ae101_panda wrote:
- well here it goes: i don't believe in marriage, reason, there is no point, it's the 21 century & u can do every the hell u want since a lot of ppl think in some point of time u have 2 get married. well u don't cuz i think marriage is pointless in some way, cuz u can have kids without being married, right & 4 guys buying her a fancy ring & spent money on a big wedding proves nothing if the 2 of u are going 2 end up seeing a lawyer 4 divorce. so i say if u 2 ppl love each other that much u don't need 2 care about marriage (or at less not worry about it) so that's my thought of marriage cuz when u break up u don't need a lawyer or go 2 court, all u need is just pay the person & walk out smoothly & enjoy ur freedom
I already told my BF if he was to ever propose, not to get me a ring but to propose with an S13 instead | |
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tofu Just On Coz I'm Bored
Posts : 169 Join date : 2008-08-22 Age : 34
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:05 am | |
| ^ specify hatch or coupe please... (at least the usdm kind) | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:43 pm | |
| I think it's nice to go through marriage with the person u love most n are absolutely sure about. But yah it costs quite a bit of money, but at the end of the day it was a big milestone of your life.
Its like a happy celebration? Why not? | |
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ae101_panda Just On Coz I'm Bored
Posts : 189 Join date : 2008-07-08
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Fri Sep 26, 2008 2:33 am | |
| cuz it's pointless, really do u need a fancy ring & fancy paper 2 show that u love that person & u would love 2 spent the rest of ur life together
the answer is no, so why do though all the trouble & money 4 this | |
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spoon.ek9 JDM EK9 Admin
Posts : 739 Join date : 2008-07-15 Age : 40 Location : Richmond
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Fri Sep 26, 2008 1:27 pm | |
| you can say it's pointless to you, but its meaningful to others. for instance, why does anyone have bday parties then? everyone knows its your bday, its no big deal really, why all the time and money spent? again, because its important to some people and its a celebration. that being said, i myself don't see a real need for marriage. however, if i had found that one person who i know will be mine forever, then yes, i would get married. sure, it might not last forever, but love is about risk too. edit: found this relevant comic hahah. | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Fri Sep 26, 2008 2:43 pm | |
| Well panda if u ever got to meet n be with a really pretty chick that u really like n she wants marriage then what would u do? | |
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swfk I'm starting to like this
Posts : 527 Join date : 2008-07-05 Location : Vee, Aye, En, See, Oh, You, Vee, Eee, Are, comma, Bee, See
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Fri Sep 26, 2008 5:23 pm | |
| i used to think that marriage wasn't the biggest part in life, i thought that marriage was a promise to your partner(even though some break them) and i thought it was another rope to tie around your partner to make him/her feel secure, which i thought wasn't needed if the relationship was strong. until i told my gf that and she disagreed. she said its a "ming fun" and it really means alot no matter if the relationship needs this promise or not. i soon asked my mother and my mother said the same things...women are just a different living being from men, men are different living beings from women...
another theory of mine is that i think its unhealthy for your relationship to think that marriage is the biggest part of life, lots of ppl do that, and once they get married, the couple finds the marriage extremely boring after, i personally think that those ppl were thinking with their partners up to the point of marriage and thats as far as they planned... i think marriage is one tough thing to think about, still young, lots of time, relax lol | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Sat Sep 27, 2008 3:26 am | |
| Depends how old u are..... Better not tell me panda is a 14 year old that is still a V hahahahaha If you have a girlfriend that has pretty much been with ya for 7 years of ur life, you'd probably think about marriage... Its not about a fancy ring or celebration either, like swfk said, its a title or milestone in your life..... N yes to make it an unforgetable one I am gonna save up around 50,000 for mine...... Altho the STi is very attractive a Honda Fit will hafta do.......
Its kinda like a watch, the Timex probably does more than the Rolex But the Rolex sets you apart from everyone else n gives u a special feeling inside..... Hahahaha
Some fag once tried to ask me to straight trade my $900 Nokia phone for his crappy $200 Moto touch screen pos...... Then I told him to go buy a Timex n don't ever think about a Rolex since they both do the same shit..... Lol Then he stfu n didn't reply hahahahaha G fucking G
But yah forgot to say, yes u can date someone who doesn't really want to get married, but it depends on yourself whether or not YOU want to get married, If you can convince the guy to marry you later then no problem, but if he just wants to fuck around n leave you then no? Not unless that's your main plan too, Then marriage isn't even a factor yet....
Yah I'm only 21, but I plan to make a lotta money n get married n buy a nice house n possibly drive my kids to school in a STi at age 30.... But that's just my idea so it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. | |
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Raid3n I'm starting to like this
Posts : 386 Join date : 2008-09-14 Age : 38 Location : In the Touge going Zoom-Zoom
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Sat Sep 27, 2008 4:09 am | |
| then in order to meet that goal, you have to 1) make lots of money 2) get married 3) have kids... all in the next 3 years or you miss your goal =p | |
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minix3 Just On Coz I'm Bored
Posts : 216 Join date : 2008-08-08 Age : 34
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:59 am | |
| Exactly what JYC said. It is just a girls dream to have a wonderful wedding in a beautiful dress to mark this new chapter in your life. I want to get married but he never wants to get married. It's like we are expecting different things out of the relationship. | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Sat Sep 27, 2008 6:21 pm | |
| - Raid3n wrote:
- then in order to meet that goal, you have to 1) make lots of money 2) get married 3) have kids... all in the next 3 years or you miss your goal =p
Yup that's right! | |
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ae101_panda Just On Coz I'm Bored
Posts : 189 Join date : 2008-07-08
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:57 pm | |
| well jyc i am 19 & i really think that i would love 2 see my kids grow up but after seeing 2 fail marriages i lost faith in being married plus if u love that person u would care if u were married
example, gays & lesbos don't get a chance 2 get marry in some countries & they live just fine cuz they love each other & there is no need 4 anything cuz all they really need is themselves, i am right
lol thats just my view nothing more so don't take it 2 heart | |
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FicTionaL I don't post...
Posts : 74 Join date : 2008-09-26 Age : 29 Location : Surrey
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Mon Sep 29, 2008 12:28 am | |
| Raid3n wrote: then in order to meet that goal, you have to 1) make lots of money 2) get married 3) have kids... all in the next 3 years or you miss your goal =p
hahahha tats actaully pretty true.. if u really think about it >_> haha | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:29 am | |
| Well yah, that is the goal, but of course as well when i said 30 I kinda meant 30s so I am not in a time limit or anything. Like I can n most likely be able to afford a decent car up around that age, but the kids can always come later depending on how financially secure I am then. Basically what I'm saying is that when ur older you'd look for goals like that? So that's one of the things marriage is like....... You could say my real marriage is when I drive home that STi that I've been wanting for so long.....hahahaha | |
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darthchilli I'm starting to like this
Posts : 434 Join date : 2008-07-04
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Mon Sep 29, 2008 3:58 pm | |
| so jo wii.. when are u and her getting hitched u kno..we all waiting lol | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Mon Sep 29, 2008 7:46 pm | |
| U mean the STi? Hahahahahahaha | |
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spoon.ek9 JDM EK9 Admin
Posts : 739 Join date : 2008-07-15 Age : 40 Location : Richmond
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Tue Sep 30, 2008 2:32 pm | |
| ^ if that's the case, i'm already married! | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Tue Sep 30, 2008 8:22 pm | |
| Hahahahaha u mean my ex? Lol | |
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5.201314% I just can't stop Posting!
Posts : 1219 Join date : 2008-07-05 Age : 37 Location : Burnaby
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Wed Oct 01, 2008 7:31 am | |
| Funny that anyone should bother mentioning their so called experience with relationships and marriage.
Especially when I'm the one that's had a wife at one point. All I can tell you is that... you have a celebration for your birthday because it's always going to be your birthday, but the same cannot be said for a marriage... shit changes... that is something we all have to deal with.
It's not that i'm being pessimistic or anything about the subject, just thought i'd bring it up that I once had a wife... and shit... i'm 22... | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Wed Oct 01, 2008 9:29 am | |
| ^Well then maybe we should all stfu..............>.>
I've had a crappy ass birthday before...... Does that mean I won't celebrate it next year? Hell no!
N how long have you been with ur so called wife before u got married anyways? If it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be..... Yah it may suck to have witnessed a divorce or been thru one. Doesn't mean the same shit to everyone else tho does it? No.
In otherwords, Cheer the fuck up n find urself another bitch!
I dun mean to be rude or whatever, but the truth is there's plenty of fish in the sea. | |
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spoon.ek9 JDM EK9 Admin
Posts : 739 Join date : 2008-07-15 Age : 40 Location : Richmond
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Wed Oct 01, 2008 1:52 pm | |
| - JYC wrote:
- Hahahahaha u mean my ex? Lol
she's hotter than ever dude and HEALTHY for a change haha. once her facelift is done, she'll make you bust a nut on SIGHT. | |
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JYC ANBU
Posts : 259 Join date : 2008-08-17
| Subject: Re: Marriage. Wed Oct 01, 2008 5:29 pm | |
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